Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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