And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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