I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
