That's when you crack a 10am beer
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
