while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
