why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
