Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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