I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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