so that wasnt chicken after all
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
