Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize