oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
