Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
