I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
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