In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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