I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
