You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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