The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
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