Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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