I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
