K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
