If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Shame is for Republicans.
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