Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
