R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
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I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
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Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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