i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
