have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
