so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
