so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
