so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
