i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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