I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
