I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Rumble strips road head = magical
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
