batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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