He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Randomize
