i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
She told me I should be a condom model.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
