OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
