I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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