i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
