i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I am available for nakedness
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
