you have to choose: penises or morals?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Damn victory sex feels great
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
