I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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