It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
