Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Randomize
