I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
she told me i tasted like america
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
