why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
