this boner is exhausting
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
