Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
