Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
