i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
