we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
