I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
