they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I deserve this hangover.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
