I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
