watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Randomize
