foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
