i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
