you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
