Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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