Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
