Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
