mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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