...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
