im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
