Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
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