I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
