I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize