So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
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