i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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