My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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