I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
