Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
she looked like the before picture.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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