If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
