If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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