I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
