She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
