so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
