How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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