I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
