Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
