ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
